i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My vagina is officially offended.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
