I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
