He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
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How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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