I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
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