TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
