It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
