Define "chronic" masturbator.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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