What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
