Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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