i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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