That's intense
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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