first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
