My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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