stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
