Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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