another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
