He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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