You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
