i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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