he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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