By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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