When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
