My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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