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The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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