I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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