She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
