I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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