he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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