Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
