your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
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I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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