OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I want to be your penis for a week.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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