I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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