Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
