Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
tell me about the fingering
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