I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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