He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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