i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
