Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
