wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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