Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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