Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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