...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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