I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
