He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize