I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
