Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
