Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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