I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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