y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
