I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
