3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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