well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
