We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
