Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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