Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
