Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
