Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
