I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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