if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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