Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
