dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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