I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
