He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
