he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
