Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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