I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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