theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
