Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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