My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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