I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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