I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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