Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
