i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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