Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
