Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
