just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
