Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
