So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
