I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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